My True Love Gave To Me

On December 1, 2007, I asked my Parenthetically Speaking readers for haikus about an item "My True Love Gave To Me..." As always, they delivered.

snowelf said...
gave to me...
My own personal chef!!!

Bless you Chef Pierre!
No longer will I have to
Ever cook again!

Scary Monster said...
gave to me...
a kiss.

Lips love happiness.
Strange truth heard when leaves fell.
The green Monster stomped.

G-Man said...
gave to me...
A smile..

Smile for me Sherry,
I love making you happy,
And I always will

ThatGreenyFlower said...
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a solar-powered self-cleaning bathroom!

Efficient bathroom,
Fragrant, pristine, fabulous
Fun to pee in here!

Charles said...
a life of waiting to find her.

Waiting to find her,
My life's longing for true love.
Guess self love will do.

Mona said...
a night of sleep in his arms...

Promise I won't move,
Disturbing you is not my wish,
Bury me in the morn.

All I Want For Christmas

On December 18, 2007, my readers at Parenthetically Speaking wrote rhyming verses on "All I Want For Christmas Is..."

G-Man said...
Santa pulls in on the reins and yells,
"Slow down Blitzen."
Heres a box of smiles,
For a Red-Headed Vixen,
This one's been good,
So she gets more than toys.
The box says ... "Santa sure loves his Serena Joy!"

/t. said...
santa man
travel for miles and miles
and the santa man
deliver boxes of smiles
santa man
go for the girl and boy
but the santa man
come for the serena joy

¤ ¤ ¤

Kanrei said...
All I want for Christmas is a single day off
Free from fighting and skirmish, sarcasm and scoff
Free from worry and wonder and empty dreams not come true
Free from excess and waste, but not free of you
For what good would it be to have off that day
And have not a soul to which you could say
“Merry Christmas, happy holidays,” and have a big smile
And make Santa worry what you’re up to for a while.

/t. said...
the santa man
be naughty and nice
throw you back once
and come for you twice

¤ ¤ ¤

Charles said...
For Christmases I want not a present.
Instead give me a Democrat for President.
Give me peace and a strong economy,
High petrol prices, No, not me.
A turn from the ignorance,
A public not in a trance.
A public aware of the tricks that are played.
A bevy of products, American made.

Serena Joy said...
Santa baby, what would it take
To get an original, never a fake?
Forget the presents stacked in piles,
All I want for Christmas is a box of smiles!

Kanrei said...
Dear Mister Santa Claus,
I know this time of year is rough
But I have somethings to ask for
And I cannot emphasize enough
The importance of every detail
To my monumental Christmas Day request
And it's not to say I don't appreciate
Last year's olive and lavender silk vest
Its just that I know something,
Something that, if quite true
Could cause quite a bit of damage to the rep
Of a Saintly person-type person, like you
Now the details are kind of fuzzy
But this still is a laugh riot
Cause it seems that dear Saint Nick
You are a toy making pirate
The toys you make all year
In your sweatshop of a store
All have brand names you don't own
And I have plenty more
Those elves who you work,
Who slave day and night
Are really just “bad” kids
Or those who didn't sit on your lap just right
Oh the shame it would cause
If ever this got out
The children would cry
So the parents would pout
And all this distress
would add to the suicide rate
And the lawsuits would come in
Too fast to contemplate
So I think it would be best
If, between just you and me
I get what I asked for
And that's the last you'll hear from me.

On: Gaudy Christmas Lights

On November 24, 2007, my Parenthetically Speaking readers were asked to write verses about gaudy Christmas light displays. Boy, did they ever deliver!

G-Man said...
Christmas time is such a thrill,
I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
But if I did celebrate Hannukah, I could give 8 gifts to YOU!!

Gifts of gold and silver,
Food that makes you fat,
A little bit of this,
And a whole lot of THAT!!

Camille Alexa said...
'Twas the month before Christmas', when all through the 'hood,
Not a creature could see shite, try as they would;
The Fitzes strung garlands on the bushes without care
For the many other people who had to live there;
Though retinas were protected behind tightly shut lids,
Neighborhood parents still were compelled to shield kids,
Not from blinding lights which offended directly,
But from the neighbors' inability to use an apostrophe correctly.

Scary Monster said...
Christmas - the Musical.

Wifey: Too bad Christmas comes, but once a year…
Hubby: We’ll stretch it out, love. Have no fear.
Wifey: The lights and reindeer I so adore.
Hubby: Why stop at twelve days. When there’s much, much more.
Wifey: Twenty? Thirty? Sixty-four?

Chorus:
The lights stay on all night and day.
Christmas feeling everyday.
The electric company loves us, Yes they do. You bet.
When they send us a bill matching the national debt!

VE said...
On the 60th day before Christmas
My materialistic neighbors let me see
1400 Christmas bulbs a-blinking
350 Elves a-drinking
9 reindeer rotating
8 grinches infiltrating
7 Christmas Trees a-glowing
6 tons of flock a-blowing
5 gaudy wreaths
4 neon bells
3 wise men
2 nativity scenes
And a 14 foot plastic Santa on their Chimney

Romulus Crowe said...

‘Twas three months before Christmas and all through the store,
The shelves were all laden with garbage galore.
Cheap tinsel and tat, much chocolate and fat,
Among them, a lone cut-price Halloween bat.

The shoppers’ eyes glazed to see such devices,
Plastic and tinfoil at jewellery prices.
A tree made of something that grew in no ground,
A Santa that chuckles, big, red and round.

They spend, they buy, they store it away.
A fortune to ready themselves for The Day.
To deck out the house all in flammable frills,
Then candles, to add to those Christmas-risk thrills.

And when all is spent, the wrappings all torn,
And all of the people sit fat and forlorn,
Amid the spread wreckage of Christmas’s dinner,
The turkey’s the only one who’s looking slimmer.

Now Santa’s broad smile looks much more like a sneer,
He’s burned out, he’s run out of Christmas-time cheer,
His red suit is fading, his batteries weary,
His once cheery laughter now nothing but eerie.

While in the high towers the Suits count their money,
And give thanks to Mammon, the cash-counter’s honey,
‘Religion is wonderful’ they cry in wonder,
And fill up their pockets with seasonal plunder.

Give thought at this time to wise old Ebenezer,
The man they called Scrooge had the clever idea,
To hold back his cash from the corporate thug,
And greet every one with a cheery ‘Humbug’.

Humbugs of the season to all!

On: Oversleeping

On November 13, 2007, my Parenthetically Speaking readers were assigned to write haikus on the subject of "late to work." They produced some terrific results.

G-Man said...
Virginia Girls
Are infectiously clever!
Except with their Brakes!

Redhead oh so frail,
Except when she is pissed off.
"May I use your Gun?"

Stuck at home again.
What was that bastard thinking?
I need a smoke ... NOW!

VE said...
This is a real pain
Counting all my syllables
Now I'm late for work!

ThatGreenyFlower said...
Fixing my hair seems
Like so much fun when work waits.
Uh-oh, late again.

Paperwork stacked high,
Tension rising...Oh, let's see
What Sherry posted!

Running late, and no
Coffee to drink. What a bad
Day this has become.

Work will still be there
No matter how late I am.
Gotta pay the bills.

Charles said...
If I had a job,
I'd not be late to get there,
To earn my money now.

Scary Monster said...
The morning sunshine
Warmed and slowed my hectic soul
The timecard will wait.

Scary Monster said...
Beckoned back to bed
Time, waiting on corner
Morning passed with you.

Pink said...
Late train to Waterloo
Northern line stopped in tunnel
An ad for Thailand above

Corn Dog said...
Work. Who needs the mess?
Underpaid and overworked.
Snooze button again.

Rain broken alarms
Hungry dogs wrecked cars missed buses
Work can wait for these.

Sling said...
Hit the snooze button.
Just nine more minutes won't hurt.
Crap! I'm late again.

On: Household Calamities

On November 10, 2007, I asked my readers at Parenthetically Speaking for limericks on the subject of "roughing it."

puerileuwaite said...
There once was a Pug from the Southwest,
Looking for redheads to molest.
So he posed as a tradesman,
And he then barged his way in,
Now he's under arrest.

G-Man said...
Sherry is so darn delectable,
She likes her gentlemen smart and erectable,
But a fellow named Junior
Went and nearly ruined her
For all men, and some things electrical!

Charles said...
I'm glad I don't live in a house.
Working on them makes me a grouse.
Like mowing the yard,
Every weekend is hard.
You likely think me a louse.

ThatGreenyFlower said...
There once was a girlie named Greeny
Who was such a D-I-Y queenie,
Neighbors quickly said, "Hi,"
Running timidly by
(For her house was a little bit leany).

Camille Alexa said...
Serena Joy has a calamity:
Her house is the horror of Amity
Her lights have all gone
She's been a wild one
And in general has felt quite gawddammity

NYD said...
A carpenter whose nickname was Dwight.
Had a tool belt he kept fastened tight.
He whipped out his level,
For Serena to revel.
With his hammer, she knocked his nuts way outta sight.

MONA said...
There was a lady from Durban,
Who house worked till she became so thin
That when she essayed
To drink lemonade
She slipped right through the straw and fell in.

On: Zombie Sex

On November 27, 2007, the topic was "zombie sex." I asked for limericks, and I got them in spades.

There once was a witch with an ex,
Used poisons, potions and a hex,
She loved his love making skill,
So she finished him with a kill,
Now the relationship's about Zombie sex.
- Charles

Thinking about life with the ex
And building our disinterest vortex
The nights were the worst
Just bring in the Hertz
After our obligatory zombie sex
- Varient E

Zombie sex after the soul's sent to hell,
Struck him as totally swell,
Now she's not willing,
and his drinkings more like swilling,
To take his mind off of the smell.
- Charles

Sing it like an Irish ditty!
Mc Tavish is dead
and his brother don't know it
His brother is dead
and Mc Tavish don't know it.
Both of them dead
and in the same bed
and neither one knows that the other is dead.
- Roxan

There once was a Haitian named Fred.
That died years ago, it is said.
But by the light of the Moon,
All the local girls swoon,
Because his Pecker is far from 'undead'!!
- G-man

A dead Rusian named Romanov,
Drooling like the dog of Pavlov,
..Said to the she-zombie Alexia,
.."I was gonna have sex with ya,
But that part has fallen off."
- Hale McKay

On: Sniffles & Sneezes

On November 3, 2007, suffering from a cold and cranky as hell, I requested limericks on the topic of "Sniffles and Sneezes." These are the results.

Miserable cold, sniffle and sneeze,
Bloody Mary, Honey and Jack,
Sore red nose, too sore to squeeze,
Cured by drink, no more hack,
Or a hacking cough from smoking leaves?
- Charles

Serena Joy's feeling sub-par,
For misery she's raising the bar,
She's snuffling and sneezing,
And coughing and wheezing,
But still a complete superstar!
- Camille Alexa

Poor Serena sniffles and sneezes,
"Unacceptable!" she coughs and wheezes!
She deserves a day tucked in bed,
Sipping a tonic made just for her head,
Hopefully she'll feel better soon,
And we'll find her dancing under the moon.
- Snowelf

Our dearest SJ's got the snots;
She's been offered pillows, oils and shots.
"No!" she snuffles.
"Don't even want truffles!
I'll just lie right here 'til I rots!"
- ThatGreenyFlower

Poor Serena, she's sore and she's ailin',
Was even to sick to go sailin',
"I'll have to resort
To stay here in port
And get my feet rubbed by someone named Galen!"
- G-man

On: The Grim Reaper

These poems were written by my readers on October 27, 2007, when I asked for verses about the Grim Reaper. Enjoy, and Happy Halloween.

The end result, the gist of the matter.
Scythe at last swung, the harvest to gather.
She asked, "What of my husband, what about him?"
"He'll come later," said the Reaper Grim.
- Charles

Eye, hand, leg all restored,
But all the waiting has got me bored.
My place in line, just to be judged.
Those numbers, those figures, I shouldn't have fudged.
The women, the fighting, the conquests, behind me.
Who'd have thought, this day would find me?
Independence, freedom, I my own keeper,
I guess I should've feared the Reaper.
- Charles

There once was a Reaper Grim,
Who sobbed to the bartender, Jim,
"I dress like a slob
For this stupid job,
And I never can get to the gym."

---

Darkness is falling
Birdsong ceases, frogs are still
Go, Grim Reaper, Go.
- ThatGreenyFlower

Crying, "She was so beautiful, her skin so fair.
And the way the light shined off of her hair."
"Your neck would be one piece, brains in your head,
you shouldn't have run off the edge you illicit peeper,"
He chided, this helper, this the Grim Reaper.
- Charles

"All our times have come."
Yeah, ok, Blue Oyster Cult.
Who's that dude in black?
- ThatGreenyFlower

You keep,
What you reap!
- Sling

"Did I really cause all that death?
Thousands and more just to hear my own breath?"
"Its too late to ask questions, now.
I'll come to take you, and slowly is how."
"But I don't want to suffer for the suffering I caused."
"But suffer you will for the suffering you caused."
"Take me now. Take me, Grim Reaper."
"I'll come for you later, George,
After you've paid the piper."
- Charles

The blood flows
As the blade goes deeper.
That's the way death goes
With the Grim Reaper.
- Roxan

Stumbling, bumbling, through life's little trance.
Eating and drinking, a few times a dance.
Birth and growing, 'til death do we part.
Then birthing and giving life a new start.
Slowing and illness and nothing ahead.
All the while breathing, until we are dead.
Thanks, Reaper.
- Charles

From the veiled night
He crept into sight
The Grim Reaper...

Reaching the dull murmur of her heart
From body to tear her soul apart

Turning to him, reaching out she embraced
This velvety darkness sans a face
Whispering:
"Take me away... I'm jilted by Life
In Death,for the first time, I've come alive."

- Mona

"It is your time," he said.
"Oh, not you," I said. "I'm not ready!"
"That is unfortunate, but quite beside the point," he said.
"Let's play a game. If I win, you leave me alone."
"I take it that the game will be Chess?" he said.
"Um. I can't play that. How about snakes and ladders." etc
- Winters

Taunts of Life
Like acid
Blister my soul...

I wandered this earth for ages
Like a moment ripped from Time

Landing on earth
I searched for streets
on the street a home
& in the home I now await
You...Grim Reaper

In your shadows I seek...
Touch me
Hold me
Rock me to sleep
So that I can, with myself
Make Peace...
- Mona

He's always there.
Following.
Looming.
Keeping his distance at first.
But the older you get, the closer he gets.
You are always aware of his presence ... Always!
He's very frightening to some, but a welcome relief to others,
Everyone is destined to meet him ... There is no escape!
But as my usher into the afterlife,
I just wish he looked a little happier.
- G-man

Grim, he reaps
Souls, he keeps
Light, he sleeps
Dark, he creeps.
- Camille Alexa

I was just going to simply say
"Sorry you had such a bad day,"
But it would be less eloquent
Than any one previous comment.

Dwell not on anger or sorrow
For come sunrise is the morrow.
- Hale McKay

People rant and people rave,
Always thinking they're someone's fave,
When all they are is loud and brash,
One scant step above plain old trash.

When the Reaper comes to exact his price,
He'll come only once, not twice or thrice,
And you'd best not brag and your virtues extol,
Just give him whatever he swears is the toll.

The Reaper won't discriminate,
Begging and pleading won't stop your fate,
When your number is up, take heed and beware,
Because the Grim Reaper is naught but fair.
- Serena Joy

On: "Season of the Witch"

These poems were written on October 20, 2007, on the topic of "Season of the Witch." They are now offered for your Halloween pleasure.

The Season of the Witch,
The retribution of history, isn't it a bitch?
That the persecuted are celebrated, the persecutors in hell,
For their having drowned innocent girls,
In things like a well.
- Charles

Cambraic shirts, and Harvest moons.
Acorns,Pine cones,and Celtic Runes.
Pagan days filled with desire.
Earth and air,..comes wind and fire.
Hooded Druids gather then.
Oil lamps,in wooded Glen.
To gaze upon the Southern skye.
To eat and breathe, and live,and die...
- Sling

I have no hitch
To be a witch.
To be the clergy
Will give me allergy.
And I do not like Itch.

O the Life of a witch,
To go flying over any ditch,
Riding on a broom,
Vroom Vroom Vroom
I'd love to watch her as I eat my sandwich.
- Mona

A witch next door is such a trouble, dear;
Her friends in pointy hats wand'ring round here
On Halloween are such a raunchy group--
Last year they put my kitty in their soup!
I worry 'bout what they will do this year.
The moon is much too round, the sky too clear;
'Tis fear that makes me tremble 'neath this bed!
See the flick'ring shadows overhead?
That's their creepy sacrificial blaze.
One year, I woke up, mind in such a daze--
Where had I been? My memory was poor.
I don't remember seeing by my door
That bloody mess: the knife, the cloth, the hair.
No, I don't like this living by her lair.
- ThatGreenyFlower

On: "Vista"

On October 13, 2007, I was in the throes of a small hissy fit over Windows Vista and requested limericks on the topic of Vista -- the dirtier, the better. Here's what my readers came up with.

I once met a system named Vista,
Whose mannerisms made me pissed-a,
If by chance I should meet
Vista developers here on the street,
Up their hineys I would shove-a
my fista.
- puerileuwaite

There once was a girl named Trista,
Post-coitus she remained in the nude,
Unlike the prude she called Sista.
I feel similarly screwed,
When I use the OS named Vista.
- Charles

Vista OS on my 'puter,
I swear nothing in life could be ruder.
It's always a pain,
And if it screws me again,
Well ... I'm just gonna take my hammer and smash the fuck out of it!
- Sling

There once was a guy named Bill
Who created an OS that will
Cause you to hate
Drivers not up to date
And trash it once you've had your fill!
- Snowelf

I know not a thing about Vista.
It seems, the old system, most missed her.
Many tried the new way,
Got fed up in a day, and
Banged keyboards so hard they got blisters.
- Camille Alexa

The G-Man knows nothing of Vista,
Cause he's an ignorant technological Mista,
But while playing a Bard,
It makes him grow hard,
For redheads and Starbuck Baristas.
- G-man

On: Black

On September 8, 2007, I requested haikus with a "black" theme. Here's what I got.

Lulling her to sleep
The lightening and thunder
Interrupted black
-Snowelf

The new Pug proclaimed
Do not question my blackness
Man can't keep me down
-puerileuwaite

Black pants shirt boots worn.
Music in his soul and life
Johnny Cash is known.

Big hat on his head
He croons his Christmas Carols,
Smooth country, Clint Black.

Vampire, Royalty,
Black hair, clothing. Loves longings.
They are today's Goth.

Black T-shirt and shorts,
Music doesn't come from me,
I don't belong here.

Stubborn man, black soul,
Misinform, mislead, not smart,
He is George Bush, too.

Bright white blinding me,
I shrink away from what is,
My light fades to black.

All Encompassing,
Black of night surrounds the world.
I awaken from sleep.

Haiku includes black,
I'm wondering why oh why
Post ends with a "Y".
-Charles

Rainbow shades of light.
Each the absence of color.
Black and white prevail.
-Sling

Black. Black. Black. Black. Black.
The stirring of the mind's eye.
Dreams are in mourning.
-Scary Monster

Ain't got Jack for black,
This brain to rack, words to hack,
Slack in the sack: black.
-Camille Alexa

Paper white, ink black
Blood red, heart broken
Words unspoken
Love gone
-(c) Annie Wicking

Nancy Sinatra
“These Boots Are Made for Walking”
Her black go go boots.
-Corn Dog

I have a Haiku in Hindi to share :
samne aaye mere dekhaa mujhe baat bhi ki
Muskuraye bhi puraane kisi rishte ke liye
Kal Ka akhbaar tha bas dekh liya rakh bhi diya...

[ He faced me, saw me and even talked to me/ He even smiled at me for the sake of the old times/ (I was) like last night's newspaper that he took a brief look at, and then kept away...]

Woh mere saath hi thaa door tak magar ek din
mudh kar jo dekha woh aur mere saath na tha
Jeb phat jaaye to kuch sikke bhi kho jaate hain


[ He was with me for long enough then one day/ when I turned back and looked he was no longer there/ when you have a permanant hole in your pocket you tend to lose some coins...]

Umr ke khel mein ek tarfaa hai yeh rassa kashi
Ek siraa mujh ko diyaa hotaa to kuch baat bhi thi
Mujh se tagdaa bhi hai aur samne aataa bhi nahin

[ The tug of war is one sided as far as the age is concerned/ had He(God)given me one end then it would have been a fair game indeed/ Although stronger than, me why does He hesitate to face me...]
-Mona

High heels, crooked stair,
Renders her a study in
Shades of black and blue.
-Serena Joy

On: "Long-ku"

On July 1, 2007, I cajoled my readers into writing long-ku, a faux haiku in which the syllabic pattern is 8-10-8. The results were fabulous.

When life's travails overwhelm
And leave you screaming in the dark of night,
Have a martini for God's sake!

Careless whispers breed breathless sighs,
Fevered words, secret passions ignite. Hot!
Two aspirins, all better now.
-Serena Joy

Straining over Shakespeare's verses,
My head is spinning and my eyes are crossed
To answer Serena's challenges.
-Hale McKay

His head doth spin and eyes widen,
But Mike hath met the challenge. Forsooth! He
Met Serena's demands and lived!
-Serena Joy

I.
2 PM; I'm in my PJs.
It's Sunday! Thom Yorke sings to me as I
Drink coffee, re-pot hydrangeas.

II.
Bright yellow sun lights up the haze;
Plants shrivel up and try to hide from it.
Dog crawls under the deck and whines.
-ThatGreenyFlower

Trevor sleeps in the arms of love,
Mairi strokes his troubles with tender care,
And from darkness comes sweet release.
-Trée

Look high to the heavens for stars,
And they will guide you to inspiration,
Otherwise you know where I am.
-Trée

I am disappointed in you.
My thoughts of fun and laughter are broken.
Bastardized Bard is better than this.
-Charles

Interpreted Shakespearian,
You make my soul's laughter come out so well,
You brightened my weekend and theirs.
-Charles

And yet you did it anyway,
And did so very well in spite of your
Recalcitrance, Charles. Game well done!
-Serena Joy

Neurons fire making my thoughts real.
Caffeine makes my tongue and heart so happy.
Waking I think, sleeping I dream.
-Charles

Long-ku is all right I thought once.
Prime-ku would be a challenge if thought through.
Prime syllables, letters totaling prime.
-Charles

Alas at It Occurred To Me
I wrote about spell checkers instead of
For Verbicidal Tendencies.

But there is no need to feel sad
For I have one about words for V.T.
I hope everyone will read.
-Hale McKay

Between cultural flotsam and
The jetsam of Paris, Lindsay, Britney...
I see photos of Mars, and weep.
-Littlebirdblue

I fed the pink duck on her blog.
Then, I took the quiz "How Insane Are You?"
Now, I'm supposed to write Long-ku?
-Corn Dog

You know I have to trash any ku
I do not care to write this crap at all
Haiku should die a painful death.
-Roxan

Charming, pretty, always witty.
This girl keeps them begging like a lost dog!
Serena Joy ... Myth or Legend?
-G-man

On: "Fergie"

On November 11, 2006, I first asked you all to write limericks. That day, we had only one taker:

There once was a man named Deeds,
So ugly he couldn't breeds,
So he put on a hat,
Grew nice and fat,
And spent his days grooming his steeds.
- RexZeitgiest


We tried it again on September 1, 2007, when I asked for a haiku or limerick based loosely on the topic of Fergie -- with much better results:

Stumped toe, bruised ego,
Anxieties, broken dreams --
Big girls indeed cry.
- Serena Joy

There was once a lady from Spain
Who puked while once on a train
Not once but again
And again and again
And again and again and again.

There was once a man from Australia
Who painted on his bum a dahlia
The design was fine
The color divine
But the smell was indeed a failure!
- Mona

There was an ass that thought it was a poet,
Made sure to let everyone know it,
It went to the loo,
Dropped a stinker or two
And said "Look, I made a haiku."
- Roxan

"Lovely lady lumps"?
Fergie, you are so damn weird.
Can't you just say "breasts"?
- ThatGreenyFlower

What I think, Greeny,
Is humps, lumps, or little bumps,
All get the job done.
- Serena Joy

Tattoos on a Pug
Alas do not show so well
Fergie passes by.
- puerileuwaite

Serena is tagged.
My blog shows the way it's done.
Continued here next.

There once was a sphere called blogging,
Where everyone's fears, wants and lives were logging.
I tried to comply, but my writing was wry,
So I blogged my reasons why.
- Charles

There once was a hooker named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
When they paid to get in,
She said with a grin,
You must pay to get out of it, too!!

There once was a fellow named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
I have to admit,
She smelled just like shit,
But think of the money he saved!
- G-man

If a Fergie wore tight sweaters
In the forest and nobody
No, wait ... it's a limerick.

There once was a Fergie u-tube
With a song and a boob and a boob
da da da da da dah
da da da da da dah
da da da da da dah dah some lube!
- /t.

The Monster attempted with grace.
The removal of Fergie's under lace.
The squirming ensued,
The Monster subdued,
Without access to her netherplace.
- Scary Monster

Serena started
Something showing a vid of
Fergie in skivvies.
- Serena Joy

On: Faux-ku

On June 10, 2007, we wrote short-ku (also known as faux-ku) -- for which the syllablic pattern of haiku changed to 4-2-4. And let me tell you, those who played along acquitted themselves beautifully!

In my inner
Self lies
Dichotomy.
-Serena Joy

You goddamn deck,
just a
teetering pile.

Humid summer:
folks wilt,
flowers flourish.

Pressure washer,
I love
and hate you, too.

Thirty eight is
awkward;
almost forty.

Beautiful boys
run big,
leap high, yell loud.
-ThatGreenyFlower

This new form should
Be Called
KickInMyAss.
-Charles

I hold your hand,
You smile.
My eyes smile back.
-Trée

Serena Joy
Always
Knocks My Socks Off!!
-G-man

I hate Haiku
I do
Haiku sucks - eww.
-Roxan

How can they suck
so much?
Damn Orioles.
-tfg

Silent whispers
touch me
repeatedly.
-Top Cat

I like Faux-Ku.
Good name
For short haikus.

Because faux-kus
Don't try
To rhyme purple.

And not silver,
orange,
Or rhyme at all.
-Hale McKay

On: "Bad" Haiku

Here's our first poetry reading, from June 5, 2007. The way this happens is, I ask my readers at Parenthetically Speaking to write a poem (haiku, in this particular instance) on (loosely) a particular topic -- and they come through. In spades. I love every word of it. I hope you do, too.

On this date, I asked for hideous haiku. What I got were jewels.

My mind is a blank
Canvas today, soaking up
Red ink of ennui.
-Serena Joy

Listen to Monster.
Thoughts echo from he soul, ya.
Tears give birth to laughs.
-Scary Monster

You be Joy, and friend.
Your sound and fury me hears.
We settle for words.
-Scary Monster

Perhaps one of us
Is disturbed. Perhaps it's me.
Perhaps it is not.
-Serena Joy

Gray sky
cold wind
reflection
-Top Cat

Your weather seems nice
Nothing to complain about?
That is why I came.

Work should be boring
Otherwise why would we leave
And why would they pay?

My Inner Child
I think he is retarded
And that's fine with me.
-Kanrei

Brave asks the big Chief
How did I receive my name?
Why you ask, Dogs F*cking?
-puerileuwaite

Inner child's happy
She must be younger than twelve;
That's when trouble starts.
-Littlebirdblue

My inner child grins,
Clicks the radio buttons.
She likes these quizzes.

Surprised inner child?
What kind of answer is THAT?
Stupid f**king quiz.

Inner child is spoiled
Good friends, good conversation
Keep her entertained.
-Thatgreenyflower

I saw Inner Child
Run past me at the market
With candy and beer.
-Corn Dog

Talented Witty Thoughts
Lie beneath Crimson Tresses,
The Head of Serena Joy!
-G-man

What wonderful neighbours
What wonder, I care.
The neighbours from hell
be so, so aware.

Should the tables be turned
A killer, I would become
and drive you back to hell
from where you have come.
-Annie Wicking and Loman Austen

Give an assignment
To talented bloggers and
They come through in spades.
-Serena Joy

Lets see about this,
I do not know what to say,
Have a pleasant day.
-Charles

Charles, you said it well.
A pleasant day to you as
Well, my gentle friend.
-Serena Joy

Saving for Posterity

Miss Begotten's readers often write delightful poetry -- rhymes, couplets, haikus, limericks, etc. It would be a shame for them to languish forgotten in the archives, so I've created this blog for the sole purpose of memorializing all that great poetry. It's just getting started, and there's a lot of poetry to track down, so bear with me. I think this will be great fun once it's set up and put together.