On January 1, 2008, my Parenthetically Speaking readers wrote rhyming verses about New Year's Resolutions.
Hale McKay said...
I Hereby Resolve
Listen my friends and you shall hear
Of my midnight party to spread good cheer.
It was December 31,'07, and oh so late
As I planned my toast to ring in '08,
To wish all everywhere a Happy New Year.
And ere the clock had reached midnight
The spread of appetizers caught my sight;
But I stumbled spilling the whole bunch
And every step I made was met with a crunch.
So I knelt down and ate some just for spite.
So then I crawled, to walk I was unable
And wiped my mouth on someone's sable.
Music was playing so I took a big chance
At that very moment to jump up and dance,
But I forgot I was still under the table.
With hangover, now it all seems like a dream,
Everyone turned when they heard her scream.
It was time to kiss, but here's a kicker,
When she puckered I started to lick her
Coz I thought her makeup was whipped cream.
So now I must make a New Year's resolution
So that I never again need any absolution;
I will never take bacchanalian action
At a party that might leave me in traction.
So, when will I be released from the institution?
A woman who lived in the South
Resolved, "No more foot in my mouth!"
So she gathered up fluff,
Her mouth for to stuff,
And said, "Can't thay anything nowth!"
New Year's resolutions, one or two or three.
New Year's resolutions, stay away from me.
Too heavy is your weight.
Your burden of responsibility is just too great.
My little habits I'll adjust, if I don't wait too late.
Besides I sometimes benefit, if I procrastinate.