POETICALLY TWISTED

Blasfomy!

2009-04-21T18:30:00.003-04:00

On March 26, 2009, I requested sonnets from my readers, to be written using this motley list of blasfomys:

grammor errors
book shalves
permote
descourage
becauase
gobal warming
charachers
aritsts
canabals
I was blind sighted
asolutely
disappered
supposidly
comapny
attornry
daiper
brake the law

I went first, thusly:

Gobal warming and grammor errors --
Are there any darker terrors?
Such charachers, dare I ponder?
Are they canabals or aritsts, I wonder?
I was asolutely blind sighted! I see, but I do not see,
For what can there be when I will not see what's in front of me?
If the world disappered, supposidly becauase I permote
What's on my book shalves, who would tote the crippled goat?
Oh, I am done for.
I should run for the hills and fear no more.
For should I stop quickly and brake the law,
The comapny attornry would call it a draw
And sue the faux cartographer for millions of bucks,
While I in my daiper -- oh, fluck a duck.

And I had only one brave soul to pick up the gauntlet, but it was a winner:

Skunkfeathers said...

Taking liberty with literary permote,
with these few lines of text I smote,
the idea that one cruciverbally spited,
would lead to this, and I am blind sighted,
in the midst of spring of blizzard's fury,
I falls on my arse, in literal asolutely.
Pathetic is as pathetic's smarming,
and pathetic is those who believe gobal warming,
for it is but for them I say "pshhaw",
and do all I can to brake the
law.
This only gets worse and enough to encourage,
a negative scree couched in verbal descourage,
cuz sonnets ain't much of that what's for me,
and if writ bad enough will bring a stop order from an attornry.

Gnomish Poetry

2009-04-21T18:25:00.003-04:00

On January 2, 2009, I requested gnome poetry from my readers. This is what I got. Don't you love it?

Skunkfeathers said...
Haiku....*gong*

I gnome he was there
when the sh** bit my ankle
and I punted him.

Free verse...

We had a tiff,
this gnome and me,
when he sez widda smile,
"I didn't mean to get short with you",
and I replied,
"you couldn't help it, ya little runt".
The fight was on...

January 02, 2009 12:53 PM
..............................
/t. said...
this bit
of gnome wit
FOR SERENA JOY!

ahem...

To gnome gnome gnome
Is to love love love
Me
And i do
Love me, too,
Yes i do

January 02, 2009 12:55 PM
...................................
VE said...
You know what a Gnome lover I am.

Time for a parody...think John Denver...

Country Roads
Take my gnomes
to the place
They belong
West Virgina
Mountain mamma
Take my gnomes
Country road

January 02, 2009 7:39 PM
...................................
g-man said...
Roguish little Gnarly man.
Guardian of yard and booty.
You aren't overly friendly.
But you are very rarely snooty.
They've been stolen out of gardens,
and they occasionally make it home.
And I'd give the world to have in my yard, a female, red-haired, gnome...:-)

January 02, 2009 8:05 PM
........................................
NYD said...

Like VE, I can't think of any poetry so here's a jingle. (Home on the Range)

I and a Gnome with hair thoroughly combed,went out to a party one day.
we got a litle too stoned on some good 'ol home grown. Then found out it was karaoke day

Gnome,gnome on the stage
With a microphone, beer and a "J".
Now it's time to go home,so I'll just pick up my Gnome. And say: "Thanks for inviting us,Yay!"

January 03, 2009 6:58 PM

Scary!

2009-01-02T19:40:00.001-05:00

On October 21, 2008, I gave my readers a list of TWISTED LINGUISTICS blasfomys and asked them to write poetry with them. I had only one taker, Bilbo, but he did a bang-up job.

People’s spelling’s gone to pot,
I don’t know how to handle this;
When words like “viddles” and “wherf” abound,
It’s nothing short of scandulous!

(And more to the point, ridiculious!)

Not any more can one still have
A pleasant conversatioin;
When words are spelled so cavalierly
All across the natioin.

It’s time to say our catacism –
Pray it long and loud;
That we avoid the cataclysm
Of the foully-spelling crowd.

So take your misspelled words away,
Submit them for proper wharehousing;
And then go back to what you do best:
Linguistically carousing.

Ooooo, Penguins!

2008-09-11T20:34:00.002-04:00

On September 2, 2008, my readers wrote me some adorable Penguin Poetry. Don't you love it?

puerileuwaite said...

I balanced the egg on my feet.
In fact, just above my toes
Is precisely where I parked it.
For this is what pretend penguins do
To get banned from the supermarket.

G-Man said...

Flightless little hobbler,
Fish-Breathed and slow.
Chased by Sharks and Orcas,
Always on the go!
But in the water you are graceful,
More so than Gulls, Geese, and Ducks.
And you always get invited,
'Cause you always wear a Tux!!!!

NYD said...

Australia and South Africa, the Galapagos too.
You'll find them boids everywhere, they belong in a zoo.
You think they're cute?
Have you smelled their poo?
Nothing worse than a bird who has nothing to do!
(Except those who get banned from supermarkets.)

Roxan said...

There once was a penguin named Mux
Who always wore a tux.
He waddled when he walked,
Squeaked when he squawked,
And sold some fish for the bux.

quid said...

I think that I will never see
A penguin lovely as a tree.
A bird that doth in winter wear
An icicle atop his hair.
Poems be writ by fools like me
But only a mommy and daddy penguin...
Well, you know.

Mona said...

Penguins here,
Penguins there,
Penguins, Penguins everywhere.
But not a morsel of them to eat...

Skunkfeathers said...

There once was a penguin from Nantucket,
Who tried to do his penguinette in a bucket...
While wrestling to see, where to put in his thingee,
The penguin got stuck and said ... "Oh, fiddlesticks!"

Hot!

2008-08-05T20:48:00.002-04:00

On July 22, 2008, I requested from my readers at PS poetry on the heated subject of ungodly heat. And boy, did they ever rise to the occasion. I thought they did a beautiful job.

Moi:
Hazy heat wraiths rising from the pavement
Undulate with wild abandon
Like lost souls, reaching for heaven.
But they find no surcease, not on Earth,
Not in July, and they will descend into
Hell if need be to find release,
And they will take you with them,
No questions asked.
"Bring me ice!" cried the sweltering queen,
"July's holy grail. Bring it in great frozen blocks
and your reward shall be ... inside duty."

G-Man said...
The air is dancing.
Undulating waves from Hell.
Man! It's fucking HOT!!!

Kanrei said...
Outside today,
Believe it or not
Even though it's Florida
It ain't all that hot.

Not like the other day
Or two days ago
Where I would sit on the corner
And watch heat waves flow.

They would ripple and wave,
Appearing like some gigantic lake
Off in the distance,
Relief just a fake.

But today for some reason,
I am not questioning why,
It is just a bit above 80
And the humidity is dry.

So I guess what it is
I am trying to say
Is thank you, Serena,
For obviously taking the heat away.

ThatGreenyFlower said...
It's so hot that the cicadas,
Instead of singing,
Evaporate and leave only shells.

NYD said...
Hot! Too hot.
Sweating and squishing from all this damned heat.

The roots of my hair down to smelly feet,
Will get no relief while summer mistreats.

My armpits are swampy and butt crack's a bog.
I lay in my kiddie pool and swell like a log.

Nothing feels good and nothing feels right.
I'll peel off my clothes and dance with delight.

The dancing was done, solace not found.
I'll peel off my skin and lay on the ground.

I start at the toes and end at my top.
A grisly sight, but I just couldn't stop.

Next went the muscles; I tossed them away .
Internal organs just get in the way.

I sat in my bones while a breeze blew right through me.
I suggest that you try it. You'll feel better, really!

Skunkfeathers said...
*tuning fork*...
*shattering ice*

Fire is red, water is blue,
The ice is all melted
And no high ground's in view.

On: Voodoo Pastry!

2008-06-08T12:34:00.002-04:00

On May 19, 2008, my readers wrote Voodoo Pastry poetry.

G-Man said...
Come hither, you gooey filled 'Brownie-Boy,'
Come get licked by Serena Joy.
Chocolaty belly all filled with Cherry,
Yearns to be sucked out by the beautiful Sherry?
A tasty treat that will not be forgotten,
It so wants to be devoured by Miss Begotten.
But it's a Voodoo Brownie, and it has great power!
(After penning this prose, I need a cold shower!)

Charles said...
Flaky outer layers,
Gooey Filling,
Its not a turnover,
Its Zombies illin'.
Not from Dover,
Not from Detroit,
It's hurting immensely,
'Cause it once was a boy.
Parts fell off,
The worst was its 'toy,'
Now there's no proof,
It had ever known joy.
Its not really pastry,
Even though when he was living,
His mind was toasted and baked.
Ah, crap. Why'd I write this?
Now I want cake.

Kanrei said...
This is my Voodoo Pastry Poetry mixed with today's TWISTED LINGUISTICS entry:

Do it weel?
"Yes!" cried the Nawleans cupcake daddy.
Campiong at one hundard calories per hour baby,
A tummy sergon cannot compete against the sweet carmel high priestess delight.
Casteration is payment enough for this Eunich enriched pastry souffle.
Wedding reings and bridal cakes complete the decedent array.
Poliete people pass on the pumpkin Voodoo pie.
Darogitory and all baby.
Yea!

Mona said...
When Voodoo pastry screamed
"Bean there, done that!"
I could feel accidents a la Mr. Bean
Right at the place where I sat!

/t. said...
voodoo donut

deep fried ring
of batter with pins in it

maybe some of those little sprinkly things on top.

Bilbo said...
There are people you like,
There are those you disdain,
There are those who are pains in the butt.
But what can you do
When they're bothering you?
You can levy the curse of the donut.
The pretzel-stick stake
Is all it will take,
You stick it like Little Jack Horner,
It's not quite as fun
As explosives or guns,
But it won't draw the wrath of the coroner.

On: What's Important to You?

2008-06-08T12:28:00.002-04:00

On April 20, 2008, I requested from my readers verses on ... something that is important to you.

G-man said...
Sometimes Love .. Just fits like a Glove!!

Curiosity
Thunderbolt
Infatuation
Lusting
Friendship
Trust
Love
Love
Love ... Forever!

Curiosity
Obsession
Jealousy
Hatred
Filing for Divorce
Murder-Suicide

Charles said...
Man's Needs:
Physical,
Psychological,
Sociological,
Intellectual.
Personal:
A job worth a damn.

Hale McKay said...

Where There's Smoke

While I lie there at rest
Watching her upon the bed,
She sensually got undressed;
Nothing needed to be said.

The way she moved was such
It drained the strength of me.
I tensed at her finger's touch
As it traced the length of me.

It was that moment she chose
For her tongue to wet her lip
Before she pulled me so close
That I felt it play on the tip.

Her mouth pursed into an "O,"
And I felt her heat, so warm.
I relaxed as she drew in slow,
Fire coursing through my form.

When she stopped for a minute
I felt tickled, almost laughed;
And the game she was back in it
Teasing and caressing my shaft.

When I had nothing left to spend,
She let me go and turned away.
Alas, all good things must end
As a cigarette dies in an ashtray.

NYD said...
It was an instant

now gone past

...maybe not...

yes.

Serena Joy said...
Light from the moon, full,
For better, for worse, courses
Like fire through my veins.

Mona said...

THE BIRD FLU

he loved
his brood of chicks
before the avian flu struck...

then he had to slaughter them...
cull them...
spreading gore,
spilling blood
of the ones he loved
as they got diseased...

now he hates the feeling
of memories...
"no brood"
he roars
with finality...

yet...offer him one
passed through fire
offer him one
all spiced
and juicy
tender and throbbing in pain...

offer him one
and he will swallow her
without a comment.

Everyday Haiku

2008-06-08T12:26:00.002-04:00

On On April 5, 2008, my readers wrote haikus on what they were doing that day.

Corn Dog said...
Cutting my own hair
One snip here. Razor slice there.
Only me to blame.

Dogs following me.
Will I drop food on the floor?
Will I? Huh? Will I?

Sling said...
Visiting blog pals,
TIVOing 'Arlington road',
What to have for lunch?

G-Man said...
In My Underwear
In front of my computer.
PLEASE put some pants on!!

Charles said...
Hating the sound there,
Overdriven microphone,
Better video.

Installing software,
Ruby on Rails, Apache,
Debian Linux.

Haiku for the you,
Website creation for me,
(Friend actually.)

Hale McKay said...
Waiting for the sun
The weatherman said will be
Shining in the sky.

I will believe it
When I see the clouds are gone
And it is not cold.

But hark there it is
Sitting at the computer
I wonder, is it warm?

Some Pretty Odd Words

2008-06-08T12:24:00.000-04:00

On April 2, 2008, I requested poetry using words derived from that day's meme.

Hale McKay said:

I didn't watch the telethon
About the lovely rhododendron,
I was downloading duck hawk files
About those birds flying in the British Isles.

My blue desk top, bold and primary
Depicts an elephant that's contrary,
And his truck swings a cast iron pot
On 5th Avenue at a Yankee sot.
Chewing Spearmint gum the pachyderm schlepper
Ended back in India when he sneezed on a cayenne pepper.

Fowl!

2008-05-04T12:02:00.003-04:00

On April 26, 2008, my readers gave me some fowl limericks. And what fun they were!

VE said...
There once was a discontented duck,
Who just didn’t seem to give a f**k,
His feathers plucked clean,
For sleeping bags gone ‘green,’
Meant even the winters did s**k.

Roxan said...
There was a man named Ferd,
Whose car was covered with turd,
He shouted at the fowl,
As he wiped it with a towel,
And flipped the pigeons the bird.

Serena Joy said...
There once was a brash poulet,
Whose feathers were showy and gay,
'Til she ran out of luck
And spouted the wrong muck.
Now she's a chick fillet.

/t. said...
There once was a man from kent,
Who lived in a coop with a bunch of chickens on whose care and feeding his entire income was spent,
His wife said, "strange..."
And, "something must change!"
So he gave her up for lent!

Charles said...
Although, it may not be jam,
It's certainly not jelly.
When cooked hotter than ham,
Bird meat is good in the belly.

Serena Joy said...
The chicken or the egg, which came first, which comes next?
Well, according to some new scientific text,
And bones and runes, voodoo formulae and DNA,
Here's what the latest findings say:
The lowly chicken descended from Tyrannosaurus rex.

Chickens squawk and chickens dance,
Chickens never want to wear any pants,
If lips they have, then lips they flap,
Clucking about all their chicken crap.
Just begging for a grill on the end of a lance.

Mona said...
There was once a fowl from Flint,
Who fell in love with a fly called Peppermint,
Said the fowl to fly let's flee,
Or your kind will cry foul to thee,
If of fly falling for fowl they get a hint.

Skunkfeathers said...
There once was a duck from Nantucket,
Who flew 'round the world in a bucket;
After an orbit or two,
He hadn't a clue,
So for once more around he said f**k it...

Bilbo said...
There once was a turkey named Martin,
Whose poor back was always a-smartin.'
His breast was enormous,
So the farmer informed us
His name had now been changed to Parton.

Hale McKay said...
Just how is it one can goad
A chicken to cross the road?
If those fowls are males
You see, it never fails,
When hens' breasts are showed.

G-Man said...
An oversexed rooster named named Larry,
Would fuck so much it was scary,
He bragged,"I've banged All types of fowl,
An occassional Owl,
And a slow moving Ostrich named Gary."

What Are You Doing?

2008-04-10T23:03:00.002-04:00

On April 5, 2008, my readers wrote haikus on the subject of "What are you doing today?" They acquitted themselves well!

Corn Dog said...
Cutting my own hair
One snip here. Razor slice there.
Only me to blame.

Dogs following me
Will I drop food on the floor?
Will I? Huh? Will I?

G-Man said...
In My Underwear
In front of my computer.
PLEASE put some pants on!!

Sling said...
Visiting blog pals,
TIVOing 'Arlington road',
What to have for lunch?

Charles said...
Hating the sound there,
Overdriven microphone,
Better video.

Installing software,
Ruby on Rails, Apache,
Debian Linux.

Haiku for the you,
Website creation for me,
(Friend actually.)

Hale McKay said...
Waiting for the sun
The weatherman said will be
Shining in the sky.

I will believe it
When I see the clouds are gone
And it is not cold.

But hark there it is
Sitting at the computer
I wonder, is it warm?

On: Mojo

2008-03-19T22:39:00.002-04:00

On March 18, 2008, my readers wrote poetry dedicated to mojo. Read and enjoy.

VE said...
Oh no!
My afro
is aglow
Because long ago
I lost my mojo
Where did it go?
I do not know
What a bozo.

Kanrei said...
I once had a mojo
Where did it go?
It can't wander fast
It can't wander slow
It can't fly in the sky
It can't swim in the sea
So why did my mojo
Up and leave me?
Was it something I said
Or Something I didn't do?
Did it leave me for another?
Is it there beside you?
I can't believe it would leave me
Sitting here all alone
If you see my mojo
Please remind it to phone.

NYD said...
Be lookin high an low,
for that knob that controls the flow,
of good times - high and bad ones - low.
When emotions take their toll.
Circumstances rock and roll.
Get down to where the gypsies go.
A little shack where the moon don't show.
Then ask the one who lives there, with eyes as black as crows,
to lay on you some powerfull MOJO!

Skunkfeathers said...
There was a young lass from St. Lo,
who thunk to herself Oh F*** no,
her horoscope saw bad mojo,
and for the whole week it will just blow.

Charles said...
The breakfast was fine,
The food totally mine.
Fresh coffee on which to blow,
before a presence did ask, "MoJo?"

Hale McKay said...
Uh-oh.
Oh no, no!
A poem about Mojo?
Get me some more Joe.
Maybe a rhyme will flow,
Or I might have to eat crow.
On top of old spaghetti - oregano
This makes no sense, I know,
Not at the Vaudevill show
Or the beach at Kokamo.
What means this mojo?
More coffee ya know;
Think more Joe
Like - mo'Jo.
Oh no, no.
Uh-oh.

G-Man said...
Can you tell me it's real
Can you give me assurance
Is it something perceived
..or a real occurence?

It changes your life
It changes your style
Does it really exist
Or is it just a 'pile?'

Good Mojo, or bad Mojo, we can't ourselves choose it...
But we don't seem to miss it, until we all lose it...

On: Snakes

2008-02-23T20:18:00.002-05:00

On February 22, 2008, my readers answered the call to write "snake" limericks.

Corn Dog said...
There once was a green snake named Joe.
S.J. hit his head with a hoe.
He crawled out the bar,
Drove off in his car,
Seeing stars from rum and the blow.

/t. said...
ode to a
wiggly thing

There once lived fellow named Jake,
With a most unusual take
On a certain reptile
With a gummy big smile,
But not a good word to rhyme.

VE said...
So the thought of a snake makes you sicken,
And you want to leave screamin’ and kickin’,
Though their skin is scaly and rough,
Remember they really aren’t tough,
They still taste just like chicken.

Charles said...
I once had a small snake for a pet,
Something my Grandmother just didn't get,
She claimed it a puff adder,
'Twas a hognose, but no matter.
Into the woods it had to be let.

G-Man said...
A daughter from down on the farm,
Told her father "No cause for alarm!"
This was my very first date,
And I'm sorry I'm late,
But his snake was in need of a charm!

On: Love

2008-02-22T18:01:00.002-05:00

My readers waxed poetic on the subject of love on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2008.

Charles said...
Love can never be,
What I'd hoped for, for me.
May the difference be,
That it's different for thee.

G-Man said...
She radiates beauty,
Her smile is perfect light,
Her fragrance faintly lavender,
Her eyes are cheery bright,
Oh, what I'd give to hold her,
And her arms encircling me,
My love for her is infinite,
Like an endless, raging sea.

I think that I'll set sail
In my lover-searching ship,
And I'll sail forever and ever
Until I kiss my lover's lips.

ThatGreenyFlower said...
Tenacious vine climbs,
Tree stands patient, wise, silent,
Blossoms spring to life.

On: Older Women

2008-02-22T17:57:00.002-05:00

On February 4, 2008, I asked for verses about "older women." This is what I got.

Charles said...
I think that I shall never see
A woman over seventy
Who would bash her head upon a tree.

Roxan said...
There was a woman quite glamoury,
Except for her saggy mammary,
So she rolled them up
And stuck 'em in her cups,
Now they look fine and dandery.

puerileuwaite said...
There was a pert redhead so smug,
Who had a few years on the Pug,
Though he didn't mind,
As she was sexy and kind,
Forgiving when he pood on the rug.

G-Man said...
On the delicate subject of aging,
A beautiful Redhead was raging,
But it just didn't matter,
Her man list grew fatter,
Because she was sexy, demure, and engaging!

On: Girls Who Wear Glasses

2008-02-22T17:50:00.002-05:00

On January 22, 2008, my readers met the challenge for limericks about "girls who wear glasses."

Mona said...
When I recently got my new peepers,
They said it so altered my features,
That though it made me look intelligent,
Yet hid my eyes and their sentiment,
And made people think I looked less deeper.

Charles said...
Girls who wear glasses,
When you throw your improper passes,
Will knock you on your asses.

Little Wing said... *(And Little Wing gets extra points for utilizing that day's Words Gone Wild in her poetry. )

Girls who wear glasses have great looking asses
Never made out of the same mole,
Because their goal
Is to inner-gise their soul
With cleansing thoughts,
So you just gots
To love the girls in glasses!

VE said...
I don’t care if a girl wears glasses,
As long as they have really nice asses,
One that really outclasses
The rest of the ugly butt masses,
I want one of those lasses
With the figure like one of those hourglasses,
And a look that really surpasses,
And is so hot I need sunglasses.

puerileuwaite said...
Girls who wear glasses
Used to miss out on my passes,
But then came Velma from Scooby Doo,
Along with "self-discovery" too,
And to them I now stick like molasses.

Hale McKay said...
Some men don't like women in glasses,
Preferring pert boobs and tight asses;
But for me, give me one with trouble seeing,
Because you'll never know when it's me being
The one out of his league trying to make passes.

Charles said...
Ode to the bespectacled Chick,
To her and all of her clique,
Even the ugly frames from the flick,
And the Irish who used to be called Mic.
It's not how they see,
It's how they see me,
And can I light their fire with my Bic.

On: New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-01T21:44:00.001-05:00

On January 1, 2008, my Parenthetically Speaking readers wrote rhyming verses about New Year's Resolutions.

Hale McKay said...
I Hereby Resolve

Listen my friends and you shall hear
Of my midnight party to spread good cheer.
It was December 31,'07, and oh so late
As I planned my toast to ring in '08,
To wish all everywhere a Happy New Year.

And ere the clock had reached midnight
The spread of appetizers caught my sight;
But I stumbled spilling the whole bunch
And every step I made was met with a crunch.
So I knelt down and ate some just for spite.

So then I crawled, to walk I was unable
And wiped my mouth on someone's sable.
Music was playing so I took a big chance
At that very moment to jump up and dance,
But I forgot I was still under the table.

With hangover, now it all seems like a dream,
Everyone turned when they heard her scream.
It was time to kiss, but here's a kicker,
When she puckered I started to lick her
Coz I thought her makeup was whipped cream.

So now I must make a New Year's resolution
So that I never again need any absolution;
I will never take bacchanalian action
At a party that might leave me in traction.
So, when will I be released from the institution?

ThatGreenyFlower said...
A woman who lived in the South
Resolved, "No more foot in my mouth!"
So she gathered up fluff,
Her mouth for to stuff,
And said, "Can't thay anything nowth!"

Charles said...
New Year's resolutions, one or two or three.
New Year's resolutions, stay away from me.
Too heavy is your weight.
Your burden of responsibility is just too great.
My little habits I'll adjust, if I don't wait too late.
Besides I sometimes benefit, if I procrastinate.

On: The New Year

2008-01-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

On December 29, 2007, my readers at Parenthetically Speaking concocted these delicious haikus on the coming New Year.

Serena said...
Good intentions fall
By the wayside. But some will
Survive the new year.

Night falls, spirits rise.
May this New Year divine the
Tao of things to come.

snowelf said...
May this new year bring
Happiness and true joy
To all of our friends

Sling said...
Rather than look back
On that which has gone before,
There's always next year.

Charles said...
A coming New Year,
During which reflect this one,
Was it a good one?

Charles said...
Better this New Year,
Than the last that we had.
Better this person.

/t. said...
2 0 0
7 goodbye hello 2
0 0 8

Corn Dog said...
The old year is out.
A new year is ushered in.
Ball drops in Times Square.

Corn Dog said...
My resolution -
Off Burl Ives before Christmas.
He's already dead?

G-Man said...
Two Thousand Seven
Was Galen's Best Year Ever --
He met Serena!

Hale McKay said...
Tis the time of year
To make up resolutions
So we can break them.

My True Love Gave To Me

2007-12-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

On December 1, 2007, I asked my Parenthetically Speaking readers for haikus about an item "My True Love Gave To Me..." As always, they delivered.

snowelf said...
gave to me...
My own personal chef!!!

Bless you Chef Pierre!
No longer will I have to
Ever cook again!

Scary Monster said...
gave to me...
a kiss.

Lips love happiness.
Strange truth heard when leaves fell.
The green Monster stomped.

G-Man said...
gave to me...
A smile..

Smile for me Sherry,
I love making you happy,
And I always will

ThatGreenyFlower said...
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a solar-powered self-cleaning bathroom!

Efficient bathroom,
Fragrant, pristine, fabulous
Fun to pee in here!

Charles said...
a life of waiting to find her.

Waiting to find her,
My life's longing for true love.
Guess self love will do.

Mona said...
a night of sleep in his arms...

Promise I won't move,
Disturbing you is not my wish,
Bury me in the morn.

All I Want For Christmas

2007-12-19T21:03:00.001-05:00

On December 18, 2007, my readers at Parenthetically Speaking wrote rhyming verses on "All I Want For Christmas Is..."

G-Man said...
Santa pulls in on the reins and yells,
"Slow down Blitzen."
Heres a box of smiles,
For a Red-Headed Vixen,
This one's been good,
So she gets more than toys.
The box says ... "Santa sure loves his Serena Joy!"

/t. said...
santa man
travel for miles and miles
and the santa man
deliver boxes of smiles
santa man
go for the girl and boy
but the santa man
come for the serena joy

¤ ¤ ¤

Kanrei said...
All I want for Christmas is a single day off
Free from fighting and skirmish, sarcasm and scoff
Free from worry and wonder and empty dreams not come true
Free from excess and waste, but not free of you
For what good would it be to have off that day
And have not a soul to which you could say
“Merry Christmas, happy holidays,” and have a big smile
And make Santa worry what you’re up to for a while.

/t. said...
the santa man
be naughty and nice
throw you back once
and come for you twice

¤ ¤ ¤

Charles said...
For Christmases I want not a present.
Instead give me a Democrat for President.
Give me peace and a strong economy,
High petrol prices, No, not me.
A turn from the ignorance,
A public not in a trance.
A public aware of the tricks that are played.
A bevy of products, American made.

Serena Joy said...
Santa baby, what would it take
To get an original, never a fake?
Forget the presents stacked in piles,
All I want for Christmas is a box of smiles!

Kanrei said...
Dear Mister Santa Claus,
I know this time of year is rough
But I have somethings to ask for
And I cannot emphasize enough
The importance of every detail
To my monumental Christmas Day request
And it's not to say I don't appreciate
Last year's olive and lavender silk vest
Its just that I know something,
Something that, if quite true
Could cause quite a bit of damage to the rep
Of a Saintly person-type person, like you
Now the details are kind of fuzzy
But this still is a laugh riot
Cause it seems that dear Saint Nick
You are a toy making pirate
The toys you make all year
In your sweatshop of a store
All have brand names you don't own
And I have plenty more
Those elves who you work,
Who slave day and night
Are really just “bad” kids
Or those who didn't sit on your lap just right
Oh the shame it would cause
If ever this got out
The children would cry
So the parents would pout
And all this distress
would add to the suicide rate
And the lawsuits would come in
Too fast to contemplate
So I think it would be best
If, between just you and me
I get what I asked for
And that's the last you'll hear from me.

On: Gaudy Christmas Lights

2007-12-16T16:51:00.000-05:00

On November 24, 2007, my Parenthetically Speaking readers were asked to write verses about gaudy Christmas light displays. Boy, did they ever deliver!

G-Man said...
Christmas time is such a thrill,
I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
But if I did celebrate Hannukah, I could give 8 gifts to YOU!!

Gifts of gold and silver,
Food that makes you fat,
A little bit of this,
And a whole lot of THAT!!

Camille Alexa said...
'Twas the month before Christmas', when all through the 'hood,
Not a creature could see shite, try as they would;
The Fitzes strung garlands on the bushes without care
For the many other people who had to live there;
Though retinas were protected behind tightly shut lids,
Neighborhood parents still were compelled to shield kids,
Not from blinding lights which offended directly,
But from the neighbors' inability to use an apostrophe correctly.

Scary Monster said...
Christmas - the Musical.

Wifey: Too bad Christmas comes, but once a year…
Hubby: We’ll stretch it out, love. Have no fear.
Wifey: The lights and reindeer I so adore.
Hubby: Why stop at twelve days. When there’s much, much more.
Wifey: Twenty? Thirty? Sixty-four?

Chorus:
The lights stay on all night and day.
Christmas feeling everyday.
The electric company loves us, Yes they do. You bet.
When they send us a bill matching the national debt!

VE said...
On the 60th day before Christmas
My materialistic neighbors let me see
1400 Christmas bulbs a-blinking
350 Elves a-drinking
9 reindeer rotating
8 grinches infiltrating
7 Christmas Trees a-glowing
6 tons of flock a-blowing
5 gaudy wreaths
4 neon bells
3 wise men
2 nativity scenes
And a 14 foot plastic Santa on their Chimney

Romulus Crowe said...

‘Twas three months before Christmas and all through the store,
The shelves were all laden with garbage galore.
Cheap tinsel and tat, much chocolate and fat,
Among them, a lone cut-price Halloween bat.

The shoppers’ eyes glazed to see such devices,
Plastic and tinfoil at jewellery prices.
A tree made of something that grew in no ground,
A Santa that chuckles, big, red and round.

They spend, they buy, they store it away.
A fortune to ready themselves for The Day.
To deck out the house all in flammable frills,
Then candles, to add to those Christmas-risk thrills.

And when all is spent, the wrappings all torn,
And all of the people sit fat and forlorn,
Amid the spread wreckage of Christmas’s dinner,
The turkey’s the only one who’s looking slimmer.

Now Santa’s broad smile looks much more like a sneer,
He’s burned out, he’s run out of Christmas-time cheer,
His red suit is fading, his batteries weary,
His once cheery laughter now nothing but eerie.

While in the high towers the Suits count their money,
And give thanks to Mammon, the cash-counter’s honey,
‘Religion is wonderful’ they cry in wonder,
And fill up their pockets with seasonal plunder.

Give thought at this time to wise old Ebenezer,
The man they called Scrooge had the clever idea,
To hold back his cash from the corporate thug,
And greet every one with a cheery ‘Humbug’.

Humbugs of the season to all!

On: Oversleeping

2007-12-16T16:44:00.000-05:00

On November 13, 2007, my Parenthetically Speaking readers were assigned to write haikus on the subject of "late to work." They produced some terrific results.

G-Man said...
Virginia Girls
Are infectiously clever!
Except with their Brakes!

Redhead oh so frail,
Except when she is pissed off.
"May I use your Gun?"

Stuck at home again.
What was that bastard thinking?
I need a smoke ... NOW!

VE said...
This is a real pain
Counting all my syllables
Now I'm late for work!

ThatGreenyFlower said...
Fixing my hair seems
Like so much fun when work waits.
Uh-oh, late again.

Paperwork stacked high,
Tension rising...Oh, let's see
What Sherry posted!

Running late, and no
Coffee to drink. What a bad
Day this has become.

Work will still be there
No matter how late I am.
Gotta pay the bills.

Charles said...
If I had a job,
I'd not be late to get there,
To earn my money now.

Scary Monster said...
The morning sunshine
Warmed and slowed my hectic soul
The timecard will wait.

Scary Monster said...
Beckoned back to bed
Time, waiting on corner
Morning passed with you.

Pink said...
Late train to Waterloo
Northern line stopped in tunnel
An ad for Thailand above

Corn Dog said...
Work. Who needs the mess?
Underpaid and overworked.
Snooze button again.

Rain broken alarms
Hungry dogs wrecked cars missed buses
Work can wait for these.

Sling said...
Hit the snooze button.
Just nine more minutes won't hurt.
Crap! I'm late again.

On: Household Calamities

2007-12-16T16:29:00.000-05:00

On November 10, 2007, I asked my readers at Parenthetically Speaking for limericks on the subject of "roughing it."

puerileuwaite said...
There once was a Pug from the Southwest,
Looking for redheads to molest.
So he posed as a tradesman,
And he then barged his way in,
Now he's under arrest.

G-Man said...
Sherry is so darn delectable,
She likes her gentlemen smart and erectable,
But a fellow named Junior
Went and nearly ruined her
For all men, and some things electrical!

Charles said...
I'm glad I don't live in a house.
Working on them makes me a grouse.
Like mowing the yard,
Every weekend is hard.
You likely think me a louse.

ThatGreenyFlower said...
There once was a girlie named Greeny
Who was such a D-I-Y queenie,
Neighbors quickly said, "Hi,"
Running timidly by
(For her house was a little bit leany).

Camille Alexa said...
Serena Joy has a calamity:
Her house is the horror of Amity
Her lights have all gone
She's been a wild one
And in general has felt quite gawddammity

NYD said...
A carpenter whose nickname was Dwight.
Had a tool belt he kept fastened tight.
He whipped out his level,
For Serena to revel.
With his hammer, she knocked his nuts way outta sight.

MONA said...
There was a lady from Durban,
Who house worked till she became so thin
That when she essayed
To drink lemonade
She slipped right through the straw and fell in.

On: Zombie Sex

2007-12-01T20:35:00.000-05:00

On November 27, 2007, the topic was "zombie sex." I asked for limericks, and I got them in spades.

There once was a witch with an ex,
Used poisons, potions and a hex,
She loved his love making skill,
So she finished him with a kill,
Now the relationship's about Zombie sex.
- Charles

Thinking about life with the ex
And building our disinterest vortex
The nights were the worst
Just bring in the Hertz
After our obligatory zombie sex
- Varient E

Zombie sex after the soul's sent to hell,
Struck him as totally swell,
Now she's not willing,
and his drinkings more like swilling,
To take his mind off of the smell.
- Charles

Sing it like an Irish ditty!
Mc Tavish is dead
and his brother don't know it
His brother is dead
and Mc Tavish don't know it.
Both of them dead
and in the same bed
and neither one knows that the other is dead.
- Roxan

There once was a Haitian named Fred.
That died years ago, it is said.
But by the light of the Moon,
All the local girls swoon,
Because his Pecker is far from 'undead'!!
- G-man

A dead Rusian named Romanov,
Drooling like the dog of Pavlov,
..Said to the she-zombie Alexia,
.."I was gonna have sex with ya,
But that part has fallen off."
- Hale McKay

On: Sniffles & Sneezes

2007-11-21T23:32:00.000-05:00

On November 3, 2007, suffering from a cold and cranky as hell, I requested limericks on the topic of "Sniffles and Sneezes." These are the results.

Miserable cold, sniffle and sneeze,
Bloody Mary, Honey and Jack,
Sore red nose, too sore to squeeze,
Cured by drink, no more hack,
Or a hacking cough from smoking leaves?
- Charles

Serena Joy's feeling sub-par,
For misery she's raising the bar,
She's snuffling and sneezing,
And coughing and wheezing,
But still a complete superstar!
- Camille Alexa

Poor Serena sniffles and sneezes,
"Unacceptable!" she coughs and wheezes!
She deserves a day tucked in bed,
Sipping a tonic made just for her head,
Hopefully she'll feel better soon,
And we'll find her dancing under the moon.
- Snowelf

Our dearest SJ's got the snots;
She's been offered pillows, oils and shots.
"No!" she snuffles.
"Don't even want truffles!
I'll just lie right here 'til I rots!"
- ThatGreenyFlower

Poor Serena, she's sore and she's ailin',
Was even to sick to go sailin',
"I'll have to resort
To stay here in port
And get my feet rubbed by someone named Galen!"
- G-man

On: The Grim Reaper

2007-10-31T15:00:00.000-04:00

These poems were written by my readers on October 27, 2007, when I asked for verses about the Grim Reaper. Enjoy, and Happy Halloween.

The end result, the gist of the matter.
Scythe at last swung, the harvest to gather.
She asked, "What of my husband, what about him?"
"He'll come later," said the Reaper Grim.
- Charles

Eye, hand, leg all restored,
But all the waiting has got me bored.
My place in line, just to be judged.
Those numbers, those figures, I shouldn't have fudged.
The women, the fighting, the conquests, behind me.
Who'd have thought, this day would find me?
Independence, freedom, I my own keeper,
I guess I should've feared the Reaper.
- Charles

There once was a Reaper Grim,
Who sobbed to the bartender, Jim,
"I dress like a slob
For this stupid job,
And I never can get to the gym."

---

Darkness is falling
Birdsong ceases, frogs are still
Go, Grim Reaper, Go.
- ThatGreenyFlower

Crying, "She was so beautiful, her skin so fair.
And the way the light shined off of her hair."
"Your neck would be one piece, brains in your head,
you shouldn't have run off the edge you illicit peeper,"
He chided, this helper, this the Grim Reaper.
- Charles

"All our times have come."
Yeah, ok, Blue Oyster Cult.
Who's that dude in black?
- ThatGreenyFlower

You keep,
What you reap!
- Sling

"Did I really cause all that death?
Thousands and more just to hear my own breath?"
"Its too late to ask questions, now.
I'll come to take you, and slowly is how."
"But I don't want to suffer for the suffering I caused."
"But suffer you will for the suffering you caused."
"Take me now. Take me, Grim Reaper."
"I'll come for you later, George,
After you've paid the piper."
- Charles

The blood flows
As the blade goes deeper.
That's the way death goes
With the Grim Reaper.
- Roxan

Stumbling, bumbling, through life's little trance.
Eating and drinking, a few times a dance.
Birth and growing, 'til death do we part.
Then birthing and giving life a new start.
Slowing and illness and nothing ahead.
All the while breathing, until we are dead.
Thanks, Reaper.
- Charles

From the veiled night
He crept into sight
The Grim Reaper...

Reaching the dull murmur of her heart
From body to tear her soul apart

Turning to him, reaching out she embraced
This velvety darkness sans a face
Whispering:
"Take me away... I'm jilted by Life
In Death,for the first time, I've come alive."

- Mona

"It is your time," he said.
"Oh, not you," I said. "I'm not ready!"
"That is unfortunate, but quite beside the point," he said.
"Let's play a game. If I win, you leave me alone."
"I take it that the game will be Chess?" he said.
"Um. I can't play that. How about snakes and ladders." etc
- Winters

Taunts of Life
Like acid
Blister my soul...

I wandered this earth for ages
Like a moment ripped from Time

Landing on earth
I searched for streets
on the street a home
& in the home I now await
You...Grim Reaper

In your shadows I seek...
Touch me
Hold me
Rock me to sleep
So that I can, with myself
Make Peace...
- Mona

He's always there.
Following.
Looming.
Keeping his distance at first.
But the older you get, the closer he gets.
You are always aware of his presence ... Always!
He's very frightening to some, but a welcome relief to others,
Everyone is destined to meet him ... There is no escape!
But as my usher into the afterlife,
I just wish he looked a little happier.
- G-man

Grim, he reaps
Souls, he keeps
Light, he sleeps
Dark, he creeps.
- Camille Alexa

I was just going to simply say
"Sorry you had such a bad day,"
But it would be less eloquent
Than any one previous comment.

Dwell not on anger or sorrow
For come sunrise is the morrow.
- Hale McKay

People rant and people rave,
Always thinking they're someone's fave,
When all they are is loud and brash,
One scant step above plain old trash.

When the Reaper comes to exact his price,
He'll come only once, not twice or thrice,
And you'd best not brag and your virtues extol,
Just give him whatever he swears is the toll.

The Reaper won't discriminate,
Begging and pleading won't stop your fate,
When your number is up, take heed and beware,
Because the Grim Reaper is naught but fair.
- Serena Joy

On: "Season of the Witch"

2007-10-30T18:04:00.000-04:00

These poems were written on October 20, 2007, on the topic of "Season of the Witch." They are now offered for your Halloween pleasure.

The Season of the Witch,
The retribution of history, isn't it a bitch?
That the persecuted are celebrated, the persecutors in hell,
For their having drowned innocent girls,
In things like a well.
- Charles

Cambraic shirts, and Harvest moons.
Acorns,Pine cones,and Celtic Runes.
Pagan days filled with desire.
Earth and air,..comes wind and fire.
Hooded Druids gather then.
Oil lamps,in wooded Glen.
To gaze upon the Southern skye.
To eat and breathe, and live,and die...
- Sling

I have no hitch
To be a witch.
To be the clergy
Will give me allergy.
And I do not like Itch.

O the Life of a witch,
To go flying over any ditch,
Riding on a broom,
Vroom Vroom Vroom
I'd love to watch her as I eat my sandwich.
- Mona

A witch next door is such a trouble, dear;
Her friends in pointy hats wand'ring round here
On Halloween are such a raunchy group--
Last year they put my kitty in their soup!
I worry 'bout what they will do this year.
The moon is much too round, the sky too clear;
'Tis fear that makes me tremble 'neath this bed!
See the flick'ring shadows overhead?
That's their creepy sacrificial blaze.
One year, I woke up, mind in such a daze--
Where had I been? My memory was poor.
I don't remember seeing by my door
That bloody mess: the knife, the cloth, the hair.
No, I don't like this living by her lair.
- ThatGreenyFlower

On: "Vista"

2007-10-27T19:09:00.001-04:00

On October 13, 2007, I was in the throes of a small hissy fit over Windows Vista and requested limericks on the topic of Vista -- the dirtier, the better. Here's what my readers came up with.

I once met a system named Vista,
Whose mannerisms made me pissed-a,
If by chance I should meet
Vista developers here on the street,
Up their hineys I would shove-a
my fista.
- puerileuwaite

There once was a girl named Trista,
Post-coitus she remained in the nude,
Unlike the prude she called Sista.
I feel similarly screwed,
When I use the OS named Vista.
- Charles

Vista OS on my 'puter,
I swear nothing in life could be ruder.
It's always a pain,
And if it screws me again,
Well ... I'm just gonna take my hammer and smash the fuck out of it!
- Sling

There once was a guy named Bill
Who created an OS that will
Cause you to hate
Drivers not up to date
And trash it once you've had your fill!
- Snowelf

I know not a thing about Vista.
It seems, the old system, most missed her.
Many tried the new way,
Got fed up in a day, and
Banged keyboards so hard they got blisters.
- Camille Alexa

The G-Man knows nothing of Vista,
Cause he's an ignorant technological Mista,
But while playing a Bard,
It makes him grow hard,
For redheads and Starbuck Baristas.
- G-man

On: Black

2007-10-24T21:09:00.000-04:00

On September 8, 2007, I requested haikus with a "black" theme. Here's what I got.

Lulling her to sleep
The lightening and thunder
Interrupted black
-Snowelf

The new Pug proclaimed
Do not question my blackness
Man can't keep me down
-puerileuwaite

Black pants shirt boots worn.
Music in his soul and life
Johnny Cash is known.

Big hat on his head
He croons his Christmas Carols,
Smooth country, Clint Black.

Vampire, Royalty,
Black hair, clothing. Loves longings.
They are today's Goth.

Black T-shirt and shorts,
Music doesn't come from me,
I don't belong here.

Stubborn man, black soul,
Misinform, mislead, not smart,
He is George Bush, too.

Bright white blinding me,
I shrink away from what is,
My light fades to black.

All Encompassing,
Black of night surrounds the world.
I awaken from sleep.

Haiku includes black,
I'm wondering why oh why
Post ends with a "Y".
-Charles

Rainbow shades of light.
Each the absence of color.
Black and white prevail.
-Sling

Black. Black. Black. Black. Black.
The stirring of the mind's eye.
Dreams are in mourning.
-Scary Monster

Ain't got Jack for black,
This brain to rack, words to hack,
Slack in the sack: black.
-Camille Alexa

Paper white, ink black
Blood red, heart broken
Words unspoken
Love gone
-(c) Annie Wicking

Nancy Sinatra
“These Boots Are Made for Walking”
Her black go go boots.
-Corn Dog

I have a Haiku in Hindi to share :
samne aaye mere dekhaa mujhe baat bhi ki
Muskuraye bhi puraane kisi rishte ke liye
Kal Ka akhbaar tha bas dekh liya rakh bhi diya...

[ He faced me, saw me and even talked to me/ He even smiled at me for the sake of the old times/ (I was) like last night's newspaper that he took a brief look at, and then kept away...]

Woh mere saath hi thaa door tak magar ek din
mudh kar jo dekha woh aur mere saath na tha
Jeb phat jaaye to kuch sikke bhi kho jaate hain

[ He was with me for long enough then one day/ when I turned back and looked he was no longer there/ when you have a permanant hole in your pocket you tend to lose some coins...]

Umr ke khel mein ek tarfaa hai yeh rassa kashi
Ek siraa mujh ko diyaa hotaa to kuch baat bhi thi
Mujh se tagdaa bhi hai aur samne aataa bhi nahin

[ The tug of war is one sided as far as the age is concerned/ had He(God)given me one end then it would have been a fair game indeed/ Although stronger than, me why does He hesitate to face me...]
-Mona

High heels, crooked stair,
Renders her a study in
Shades of black and blue.
-Serena Joy

On: "Long-ku"

2007-10-19T22:38:00.000-04:00

On July 1, 2007, I cajoled my readers into writing long-ku, a faux haiku in which the syllabic pattern is 8-10-8. The results were fabulous.

When life's travails overwhelm
And leave you screaming in the dark of night,
Have a martini for God's sake!

Careless whispers breed breathless sighs,
Fevered words, secret passions ignite. Hot!
Two aspirins, all better now.
-Serena Joy

Straining over Shakespeare's verses,
My head is spinning and my eyes are crossed
To answer Serena's challenges.
-Hale McKay

His head doth spin and eyes widen,
But Mike hath met the challenge. Forsooth! He
Met Serena's demands and lived!
-Serena Joy

I.
2 PM; I'm in my PJs.
It's Sunday! Thom Yorke sings to me as I
Drink coffee, re-pot hydrangeas.

II.
Bright yellow sun lights up the haze;
Plants shrivel up and try to hide from it.
Dog crawls under the deck and whines.
-ThatGreenyFlower

Trevor sleeps in the arms of love,
Mairi strokes his troubles with tender care,
And from darkness comes sweet release.
-Trée

Look high to the heavens for stars,
And they will guide you to inspiration,
Otherwise you know where I am.
-Trée

I am disappointed in you.
My thoughts of fun and laughter are broken.
Bastardized Bard is better than this.
-Charles

Interpreted Shakespearian,
You make my soul's laughter come out so well,
You brightened my weekend and theirs.
-Charles

And yet you did it anyway,
And did so very well in spite of your
Recalcitrance, Charles. Game well done!
-Serena Joy

Neurons fire making my thoughts real.
Caffeine makes my tongue and heart so happy.
Waking I think, sleeping I dream.
-Charles

Long-ku is all right I thought once.
Prime-ku would be a challenge if thought through.
Prime syllables, letters totaling prime.
-Charles

Alas at It Occurred To Me
I wrote about spell checkers instead of
For Verbicidal Tendencies.

But there is no need to feel sad
For I have one about words for V.T.
I hope everyone will read.
-Hale McKay

Between cultural flotsam and
The jetsam of Paris, Lindsay, Britney...
I see photos of Mars, and weep.
-Littlebirdblue

I fed the pink duck on her blog.
Then, I took the quiz "How Insane Are You?"
Now, I'm supposed to write Long-ku?
-Corn Dog

You know I have to trash any ku
I do not care to write this crap at all
Haiku should die a painful death.
-Roxan

Charming, pretty, always witty.
This girl keeps them begging like a lost dog!
Serena Joy ... Myth or Legend?
-G-man

On: "Fergie"

2007-10-17T12:29:00.000-04:00

On November 11, 2006, I first asked you all to write limericks. That day, we had only one taker:

There once was a man named Deeds,
So ugly he couldn't breeds,
So he put on a hat,
Grew nice and fat,
And spent his days grooming his steeds.
- RexZeitgiest

We tried it again on September 1, 2007, when I asked for a haiku or limerick based loosely on the topic of Fergie -- with much better results:

Stumped toe, bruised ego,
Anxieties, broken dreams --
Big girls indeed cry.
- Serena Joy

There was once a lady from Spain
Who puked while once on a train
Not once but again
And again and again
And again and again and again.

There was once a man from Australia
Who painted on his bum a dahlia
The design was fine
The color divine
But the smell was indeed a failure!
- Mona

There was an ass that thought it was a poet,
Made sure to let everyone know it,
It went to the loo,
Dropped a stinker or two
And said "Look, I made a haiku."
- Roxan

"Lovely lady lumps"?
Fergie, you are so damn weird.
Can't you just say "breasts"?
- ThatGreenyFlower

What I think, Greeny,
Is humps, lumps, or little bumps,
All get the job done.
- Serena Joy

Tattoos on a Pug
Alas do not show so well
Fergie passes by.
- puerileuwaite

Serena is tagged.
My blog shows the way it's done.
Continued here next.

There once was a sphere called blogging,
Where everyone's fears, wants and lives were logging.
I tried to comply, but my writing was wry,
So I blogged my reasons why.
- Charles

There once was a hooker named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
When they paid to get in,
She said with a grin,
You must pay to get out of it, too!!

There once was a fellow named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
I have to admit,
She smelled just like shit,
But think of the money he saved!
- G-man

If a Fergie wore tight sweaters
In the forest and nobody
No, wait ... it's a limerick.

There once was a Fergie u-tube
With a song and a boob and a boob
da da da da da dah
da da da da da dah
da da da da da dah dah some lube!
- /t.

The Monster attempted with grace.
The removal of Fergie's under lace.
The squirming ensued,
The Monster subdued,
Without access to her netherplace.
- Scary Monster

Serena started
Something showing a vid of
Fergie in skivvies.
- Serena Joy

On: Faux-ku

2007-10-15T18:16:00.000-04:00

On June 10, 2007, we wrote short-ku (also known as faux-ku) -- for which the syllablic pattern of haiku changed to 4-2-4. And let me tell you, those who played along acquitted themselves beautifully!

In my inner
Self lies
Dichotomy.
-Serena Joy

You goddamn deck,
just a
teetering pile.

Humid summer:
folks wilt,
flowers flourish.

Pressure washer,
I love
and hate you, too.

Thirty eight is
awkward;
almost forty.

Beautiful boys
run big,
leap high, yell loud.
-ThatGreenyFlower

This new form should
Be Called
KickInMyAss.
-Charles

I hold your hand,
You smile.
My eyes smile back.
-Trée

Serena Joy
Always
Knocks My Socks Off!!
-G-man

I hate Haiku
I do
Haiku sucks - eww.
-Roxan

How can they suck
so much?
Damn Orioles.
-tfg

Silent whispers
touch me
repeatedly.
-Top Cat

I like Faux-Ku.
Good name
For short haikus.

Because faux-kus
Don't try
To rhyme purple.

And not silver,
orange,
Or rhyme at all.
-Hale McKay

On: "Bad" Haiku

2007-10-13T19:58:00.000-04:00

Here's our first poetry reading, from June 5, 2007. The way this happens is, I ask my readers at Parenthetically Speaking to write a poem (haiku, in this particular instance) on (loosely) a particular topic -- and they come through. In spades. I love every word of it. I hope you do, too.

On this date, I asked for hideous haiku. What I got were jewels.

My mind is a blank
Canvas today, soaking up
Red ink of ennui.
-Serena Joy

Listen to Monster.
Thoughts echo from he soul, ya.
Tears give birth to laughs.
-Scary Monster

You be Joy, and friend.
Your sound and fury me hears.
We settle for words.
-Scary Monster

Perhaps one of us
Is disturbed. Perhaps it's me.
Perhaps it is not.
-Serena Joy

Gray sky
cold wind
reflection
-Top Cat

Your weather seems nice
Nothing to complain about?
That is why I came.

Work should be boring
Otherwise why would we leave
And why would they pay?

My Inner Child
I think he is retarded
And that's fine with me.
-Kanrei

Brave asks the big Chief
How did I receive my name?
Why you ask, Dogs F*cking?
-puerileuwaite

Inner child's happy
She must be younger than twelve;
That's when trouble starts.
-Littlebirdblue

My inner child grins,
Clicks the radio buttons.
She likes these quizzes.

Surprised inner child?
What kind of answer is THAT?
Stupid f**king quiz.

Inner child is spoiled
Good friends, good conversation
Keep her entertained.
-Thatgreenyflower

I saw Inner Child
Run past me at the market
With candy and beer.
-Corn Dog

Talented Witty Thoughts
Lie beneath Crimson Tresses,
The Head of Serena Joy!
-G-man

What wonderful neighbours
What wonder, I care.
The neighbours from hell
be so, so aware.

Should the tables be turned
A killer, I would become
and drive you back to hell
from where you have come.
-Annie Wicking and Loman Austen

Give an assignment
To talented bloggers and
They come through in spades.
-Serena Joy

Lets see about this,
I do not know what to say,
Have a pleasant day.
-Charles

Charles, you said it well.
A pleasant day to you as
Well, my gentle friend.
-Serena Joy

Saving for Posterity

2007-10-13T18:08:00.000-04:00

Miss Begotten's readers often write delightful poetry -- rhymes, couplets, haikus, limericks, etc. It would be a shame for them to languish forgotten in the archives, so I've created this blog for the sole purpose of memorializing all that great poetry. It's just getting started, and there's a lot of poetry to track down, so bear with me. I think this will be great fun once it's set up and put together.